What?? No Heaven In Your Eyes??

Yesterday on NPR I heard the rather alarming news that 50-year-old Donny Osmond has put out a new CD — which he mixed himself, in his dressing room, between performances of Broadway’s Beauty and the Beast — entitled Love Songs of the 70’s.  And indeed, that is what the album is comprised of.  Here is the playlist as reported by Amazon.com, along with the original, um, artists:

1.  I Can See Clearly Now – Johnny Nash

2. Sometimes When We Touch – Dan Hill

3.  Let’s Stay Together – Al Green

4.  Laughter In The Rain – Neil Sedeka

5.  When I Need You – Leo Sayer

6.  How Long – Ace

7.  Mandy – Neil Diamond

8.  You Are So Beautiful – Joe Cocker

9.  Will It Go Round in Circles – Billy Preston

10.  How Deep is Your Love – Bee Gees

11.  Alone Again Naturally – Gilbert O’Sullivan

12.  If – Bread

I was surprised (and relieved?) not to see “Close to You” or “I Honestly Love You,” until I realized that Donny was covering only songs originally recorded by males, which would preclude the Carpenters or Olivia Newton-John.  Which leads me to ask, HOW could he not cover Shaun Cassidy?  Was not “Heaven in Your Eyes” at least as sappy as “How Deep is Your Love”?  
Shaun cassidy

When I was in third and fourth grade, I had a wild fangirl obsession over Shaun Cassidy.  I had a plastic cup in my desk at school, covered in Shaun Cassidy pictures cut from Tiger Beat, and dedicated to hold love notes to Shaun that my friends and I would compose to send later.  I remember reasoning that money would show him my TRUE devotion, so I once taped a quarter to one of the letters I sent.  I bought a Dynamite magazine ENTIRELY DEVOTED to photos and posters of Shaun so that I could tape them all up on my side of the room, agonizing over the pages that had a picture of My Love on both sides, from which I had to choose.  I badgered my grandma into buying me a Shaun Cassidy Tshirt–she bought my younger (brainwashed) sister one, too, and we wore them until they wore out.  When the all-too-brief “Hardy Boys” series staring Shaun as Joe Hardy (and Parker Stevenson as Frank) was cancelled, I mourned and wrote a letter of protest and begging–but never sent it because I didn’t know who to send it to. I just knew I was his #1 Fan–I didn’t know how pathetic I was.

But then Shaun just vanished from the music scene . . . . I had to move on.  After such a loss, I was never able to attach myself to any other (ahem) rock star in quite the same way, no matter how beautiful he was or how plaintively he sang to me.  He was my first love, irreplaceable, unrequited, doomed to dwell forever as a 70’s has-been. 

Then there’s Donny.  I have nothing against Donny.  He’s probably a million times more talented than Shaun, I grant you.  But this particular batch of 70’s love songs should be raised from the dead for only one purpose:  to beat them severely until they die again. 

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2 Comments

  1. Stacy said,

    April 26, 2007 at 7:43 pm

    Well, I wouldn’t say Donny was a MILLION times more talented than Shaun. Personally I’d be more likely to buy an Essential Shaun Cassidy album (oh, I already have one!) than any kind of Puppy Love nonsense. I’m with you. The real question is this: did you also love Rick Springfield? If so, we really were switched at birth.

  2. idahospud said,

    April 26, 2007 at 11:39 pm

    Well, if you mean with as much nakedly ardent fervor as Shaun, no. But I was at least three years older by the time Rick came along (what, 11? 12?), so my love for him was of a more mature, and perhaps cynical, kind. By then I knew it couldn’t last.


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