I’ve got photos of Ireland coming up, but for now, here is a post I wrote for Feminist Mormon Housewives:
Things That Keep Me Up At Night, Part I
April 8, 2009 at 5:31 am (Uncategorized)
I used to be an insomniac. From about age 12 until I became a regular exerciser at about age 25, sleeplessness was my unwelcome nighttime companion. I still suffered with bouts of it until last year, when I learned self-hypnosis (I know, I know . . . .but it totally worked!). Now, sleep is no problem.
Until last night. I wish I could say that contemplating the larger mysteries of the universe is what chases away dreamland, but my most recent episode shows that it is the larger mysteries of the English language that does it. And so, my six dear readers, if you are having trouble sleeping, this is a post that will, paradoxically, put you right in snoozeville.
So I’m lying there, thinking about a cute thing Madame Chaos said. As we were driving past the water tower, she gave me a glimpse into the desires of her heart as she said, “If we climb up the water tower, the firecracker chiefs will be mad at us.” Then the thought occurred to me: why is the plural of “chief”, “chiefs”, while the plural of “thief” is “thieves”? Then I thought of the other phonetic rhymes like leaf/leaves, sheaf/sheaves, and even the antiquated beef/beeves. But then I realized I should stick with the “ief” spelling, and thought of brief/briefs, belief/beliefs and grief/griefs (with the added interest of the related verb “to grieve”, which sidetracks me for a few minutes). And then I’m pretty sure “kerchief” can be pluralized both as “kerchiefs” and “kerchieves”. So, despite (or because of?) my years of teaching spelling rules and their inevitable exceptions, I find myself trying to come up with the rule for when a word ending with the phoneme /Ef/ changes to either /Efs/ or /Evz/. Then I start longing for my very own, unabriged copy of the Oxford English Dictionary to show me the evolution of each of those words so I can figure it out myself instead of looking it up online. Then I figure I should just get myself out of bed and look it up already so I can go back to sleep.
An hour or more later, I can’t find any rules specific to the /Ef/ phoneme, just the usual “a noun ending in an -f is usually pluralized with -ves.”
So this is my hard-won, sleep-depriving, self-made rule (are you asleep yet?): all the nouns ending in -ief are exceptions to the rule of plurals except for “thief,” which is an exception to this exception (and therefore keeps the rule), and “kerchief,” which can take either plural. Big sigh.
You’re welcome.
How To: Develop Your Own Style
January 25, 2009 at 9:42 pm (How-To by M.C.)
Madame Chaos presents her eighth post in her ongoing guest-blogger series.
I have broached the subject of personal style before, but in the context of home decor. I would like to turn the spotlight on a more personal canvas: the adornment of one’s self. For me, the year 2008 was one of unparalleled fashion triumph, a veritable mindspring of creativity born of personal ingenuity and an innate sense of style–and, astonishingly enough, utilized only those things readily available in my own house. In my quest to offer self-improvement choices beyond traditional expectations, I submit to you that attention to detail in the way you physically present yourself will both reflect and encourage your inner fabulousness, and needn’t be prohibitively expensive. Here are my tips for exploring the identity you want to project without breaking the bank:
1. Repurpose
Not only is repurposing a thrifty choice, it is a green one. You will exude and encourage eco-consciousness when you take to heart the Proustian adage: “The voyage of true discovery lies not in seeking new landscapes, but in seeing with new eyes.” With four older sisters, I have at my disposal a collection of costumes from uncountable ballet, clogging, and tap recitals–but what is the fun of merely recreating those costumes? Instead, repurposing showcases my personal style when I take a dotty skirt with an inset panty, and make it my own by flipping the panty inside-out and creating a one-shouldered bodice:
(**Note: my longtime readers will recognize my application of Tough-Love in the above photo.)
Adding mismatched heels makes a statement–and checking the “spin” of the skirt is mandatory:
This particular outfit was a staple of my at-home wardrobe for much of the year.
A second example of repurposing makes a comment on the convergence of the sociopolitical and ecopolitical in a single item: The Wal-Mart plastic bag. Fashion becomes the vehicle for voicing the questions: what are the long-term effects of pandering to and literally clothing ourselves with homage to the corporate machine? Are we trading our local control over natural and financial resources for a flimsy and ultimately unsatisfying relationship with international conglomerates who wish to transform us into consumerist sycophants?
It is my hope that such an outfit gives my older sisters food for thought on their and their friends’ unenviable position of being sellout corporations-with-legs advertising for American Eagle, Hollister, Old Navy, Abercrombie, and Aeropostale. Ah, but such musings perhaps deserve their own series installment, and I should resume my take on the subject at hand.
2. Alter To Make it Your Own
As the youngest of 6, 5 of them girls, the bulk of my wardrobe has consisted of hand-me-downs. While I’m resigned to being forever designated as “Missy/Kiwi/LouLou/Dee’s Younger Sister,” I certainly don’t have to be simply a smaller victim of their fashion choices. One of the quickest way to alter a tired hand-me-down is with my tried-and-true friend, scissors.
See how these old pants went from drab to fab with just a few snips? Now they are REALLY wild, instead of just wild-print wannabes.
More clever scissor-surgeries include this ingenious alteration I like to call The Port Hole: it reveals my “novel naval navel,” get it?
Of course, there’s no reason you can’t take a stylish snip out of the crown of your hair; however, it virtually guarantees that your mom will require you to wear a carefully-placed ponytail for the rest of the year, which defeats the purpose. Still, you can enjoy knowing that the snip is there, and that *you* created it:
Another alteration involves the simple application of lipstick in an unexpected place–an older sister’s coveted dress (one with lots of the aforementioned and highly-sought-after “spin”):
“Making it your own,” you see, can be code for “Render it unwearable by anyone else.” The effect is the same.
3. Add Surprising Accents
Too much of one particular style can appear uninspired. Mix things up! Why have just “Princess Ballet” style or “Cool Cowgirl” style when you can have “Cool Princess Cowgirl Ballet” style?
Friends, family, neighbors, and livestock alike will appreciate your ingenuity–particularly 4H hogs named Romeo and Juliet, another unexpected mixture of good-taste and tastes-good in the “in-love-and-destined-to-die” kind of way:
Set yourself atop a horse and you’ve created an unmistakeable style that reflects your unique personality:
The ultimate unexpected accent is . . . . Nothing. Juxtapose layers of skirts and accessories with . . . Nothing . . . on the top–Wow!
For further surprises, launch the Nothing in a public place like the zoo, draping your clothing on whatever is handy while your mom has her camera focused elsewhere. When she turns the paparazzi device on you, you will be ready!
4. Don’t Forget The Face
It makes good fashion sense (and just good plain fun) to remember the face when deciding how to self-present. Lipstick is a truly indespensible tool not just for sisters’ dresses, but for the nose and hair (and mirror–why not?):
While you’re at the mirror, practice the facial expressions you think will reflect who and what you wish to show the world to be your truest self:
Passive? Nah.
Aggressive? Maybe.
How about this one?
THAT’S THE ONE!
Until next time, dear readers . . . . . . .
Madame Chaos
December 31, 1988
December 31, 2008 at 1:00 pm (Family)
Twenty years ago, at the very hour I post this (noon), two kids were married. The bride was 19, the groom 22, and they had a combined monthly income of $450, $220 of which went to rent their weird little apartment carved out of the second floor of an old house in Moscow, Idaho. They were starry-eyed students who, as the bride’s father put it, thought they could “live on love.” They had no honeymoon, except for a night at the Best Western that their friends pitched in for, and went right back to work the day after they wed.
We’ve come a long way, baby. Happy Anniversary!
Sixteen Candles
December 25, 2008 at 9:57 pm (Home Life)
Sixteen Christmas mornings ago, a beautiful newborn salved the bitterness of two miscarriages with only the reality of her perfect self in my arms. She came home in a large Christmas stocking and hat, on the merriest Christmas ever:
Today, we celebrated sixteen years together. Happy Birthday, Missy May!
Simple Gifts
December 25, 2008 at 8:51 am (Family, Home Life, Rural Life)
I am grateful for these simple gifts today:
A Christmas Eve Offering
December 24, 2008 at 12:50 pm (Religion)
As the Christmas season reaches its apex, finding time and room to contemplate God’s greatest gift to us may be difficult, but nudges me with its urgency. Son of God, already a perfect being who had created the very world He would condescend to, could have been introduced here in any number of ways befitting the King whose title He deserved millenia before the Nativity, before Golgotha, before the empty tomb. Yet He came as one of us, a helpless Babe who would need swaddling clothes to comfort and contain the flailing limbs. The hands that shaped a universe, carved commandments into stone tablets, touched sixteen clear stones to light the deep, and that would tremble under cruel nails could only reflexively curl around Mary’s fingers as He suckled, utterly dependent, at her breast. Surrounded by servile animals and outcast from the community of human shelter, the new little family–inextricably and eternally linked with the human family–commenced an earthly work that would culminate in an act so powerful that it reaches both forward and backward in time to save every soul willing to receive it.
Oh, come let us adore Him, Christ the Lord!
Procession
December 13, 2008 at 8:38 pm (Home Life)
Each of my six children has his or her own Nativity Set, courtesy of their Nana and Uncle Mike. Getting out the little figures is a highlight of their Christmas season, and the configurations they come up with to pose Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, and the various shepherds, wise men, and animals know no bounds.
It was no surprise to come upon this new placement of nearly all the figures, marching in a tidy line from the phone to the fabulous 70’s ceramic tree to pay homage to its vintage awesomeness:
But wait! What’s that shiny thing, two places behind Headless Shepherd and three places in front of the Holy (Blond!) Twins?
Snoopy, is that you?
My Cohort and Companion
December 6, 2008 at 11:27 am (Family)
For my sister, Kris
Shade
Under arching branches
Of a row of Russian Olives, you and I
Built a cottage. We lived a new life
In rooms created by boundaries
Only we could discern. I held
My place as eldest, overseer
Of our motherless cloister, as we
Busied ourselves with tasks—
Gathering, sorting, naming.
Long after the branches were cut
And their limbs no longer brushed
The grass, I searched for the confines
Of our refuge, seeing only in vision
The piles of slender leaves and sagey berries
We supped and savored as we lifted
Twigs to our lips.
Our house no longer needs an overseer,
But we dwell in the safe coolness of
Embracing limbs, preparing to break
Through the branches, blinking in sunshine.
How To: Administer Tough Love
November 19, 2008 at 2:27 pm (How-To by M.C.)
Installment seven of Madame Chaos’ guest series on living hell well.
One of the curses of being three and its accompanying cuteness is that my mother — who has nursed a fragile hope of becoming a decent photographer for years — thinks that I am a natural subject for pixellation by her fancy digital camera. Maybe she thought that throwing over a thousand bucks at a camera and lenses and books and classes and editing software would make an iota of a difference to the fact that she just doesn’t have the EYE for anything beyond being a snapshot-taker. Read the rest of this entry »
